Forever and Almost
She stared at herself in the bronze framed floor length mirror. The woman in the reflection stared back with light brown eyes and a small smile. She was dressed in a lovely white gown; the embroidered corset emphasized her waist and her usually nonexistent cleavage. Her hair was pulled back from her face and fell gracefully in lose curls behind her shoulders. A white veil was pinned into her hair and fell gently over her face. With a flurry of satin and silk, she was ushered out of the room.
She stepped out of her hotel room and towards the elevators as her maid of honour followed suit. After a few camera shots along the way, laughter and excited chattering, she could feel her heart beating faster as she came closer and closer to saying her vows.
The elevator doors opened and a few people stepped out. A bit absentminded, the bride bumped into one of the guys who’d just exited the elevator.
“Sorry, my fault.” She apologized without even looking up at the guy.
“No problem.” He laughed, brushing past her. His cologne smelled familiar, somehow, rooting her on the spot.
“Is something wrong?” one of her bridesmaids asked and she snapped out of her reverie.
“Nope.” She smiled. “I just remembered...something.”
***
School was done and she was still in an awfully bad mood. Her hair had been a mess the whole day and that had to be the least of her problems. It was the first day of college.
So there she was, grumbling under her breath about the less than organized system of the school, of the excessively warm weather that day and the class schedule she so dearly hated. Heaving a sigh, she opened the book she was carrying and started reading while walking on the way to the coffee shop down the block. Stuck in her own little world, nose buried in a book, she bumped into someone and her precious book cluttered to the ground.
“Sorry, my bad.” She apologized, automatically bending down to pick up her book.
“No problem.” He picked up a piece of paper. “Is this your class schedule?”
“Yeah. It is. Thanks.” She reached for the paper and slid it in between the pages of her book.
“A6? We’re in the same class.” He smiled.
“Really? I didn’t seem to have noticed you there.” She narrowed her eyes, trying to recall his face in the classroom.
“I wasn’t there this afternoon.” He shrugged.
“Didn’t feel like coming to class?” She half smiled.
“Yeah, pretty much.” He smiled and brushed past her. “Well, I’ll be seeing you tomorrow, then.”
“Yeah. See you.” She had started walking when she realized she didn’t know his name. She knew one thing, though...
...he smelled nice.
***
She took a deep breath as she was led to the Lambourghini waiting in front of the hotel.
“Nervous?” Her maid of honour, decked out in a lovely lavender corseted gown, raised an eyebrow.
“A little.” She shrugged nonchalantly though her heart was hammering painfully against her ribcage.
“There’s no need to be.”
“I know.” She shrugged. “Hey…”
“Yeah?”
“Thanks for being here.”
She smiled at her best friend, all dressed in white. “Of course. I wouldn’t miss it for the world.”
They slid into the back seat of the car and the driver shifted the engine into gear.
“You alright?” Her Maid of Honour broke the silence within the car. She hadn’t realized she had drifted off into a reverie.
“Yeah.” She bit her lip. “Do I look ok?”
“You look great.” She grinned back, giving the bride’s hand a reassuring
squeeze. “Trust me.”
***
“Do you trust me?” He had asked her suddenly.
The sun was setting and they were walking home together.
“Yeah, I trust you.” She answered without a second thought and slowed down her stride.
“Close your eyes.” He’d said and touched her forearm lightly.
“Why?” She asked, sceptically and stopped walking.
“I thought you trusted me?” He retorted, a smile playing on his lips.
“I do.” She shrugged
“Then close your eyes.” He said. “Go on.”
She rolled her eyes and gave an exasperated sigh. She closed her eyes, nonetheless, and waited.
She felt his arm move around her and the feel of a cold chain against her skin. She opened her eyes to see him obviously pleased with himself. It made her smile.
She touched her fingers to the chain around her neck. A silver cross hanged lightly from it, resting just below her clavicle.
“Thank you.”
He grinned at her and took her hand in his. He gently brushed his lips against the back of her hand before pulling her instep to his pace.
He let their hands drop to their sides as he linked his fingers with hers.
And she’d let him.
***
The Lamborghini stopped just in front of the church’s double doors. Within moments, the bridesmaids had flocked to the car door and were pulling the bride out from the car. Soon as she was out, they pulled her into a group hug so tight, she could barely breathe.
***
She could barely breathe.
Everything seemed to be spinning. She’d walked away from him, wiping away tears.
She felt his hand on her forearm, trying to stop her.
She’d pushed him away but he pulled her into him.
She’d broken down, almost falling to the ground in tears if he hadn’t been holding her up.
He held her tighter...
... not wanting to let go.
***
The organizers led her to the church doors and handed her a bouquet. Her parents appeared by her side moments later, each had a hug for her. Her mother tossed back her veil and brushed the back of her hand against her daughter’s cheek as her father placed a hand on her shoulder. She smiled, wallowing in their quiet moment. Her mother brushed back her bangs and let down her veil once more.
***
He brushed the hair away from her face as she slept. She hadn’t been feeling well and had fallen asleep on his lap. His fingers delicately traced the curve of her cheek and the soft slope of her lips, careful not to wake her.
She stirred slightly then fell back to her calm oblivion with dreams not far from reality.
***
She was idly waiting, fidgeting with her bouquet, chatting animatedly with whoever spoke to her. Her cheeks were sore from all the smiling, she’d realized as she was blinded by yet another camera flash. She could hear the chattering inside the church and the pervading melody of an old song that stirred more memories of the past, and all the more, she couldn’t take the smile away from her lips.
***
She couldn’t wipe the smile off her face as she rested her head on his shoulder. She was sitting on his lap, his arms wrapped around her. She could hear music playing in the background.
They were talking, laughing about anything and everything; simply enjoying each other’s company. It was just them, taking turns, making each other fall in love all over again.
He tilted her chin slightly and kissed her lightly on the lips. Her heart was beating fast...
...to a rhythm close to his.
***
She could hear the Ave Maria playing on a piano and violin duet, signalling the start of the walk down the aisle. Alongside her parents, she took a step at a time. All eyes were on her, it seems, but in her heart, her eyes would be only for him.
***
She cradled her head in her hands, desperate for inspiration to hit. She looked up at the cursor blinking on the blank screen on her laptop. She had a deadline to meet and the article wasn’t going to write itself. She had freshly graduated from college and in her opinion had the greatest job on earth. Although a world away from the job description of the course she’d taken, she was employed as a writer for a magazine. This had been her dream job but there are times that writing articles can be a huge pain in the ass. She sighed and looked out the glass window of the coffee shop she was in.
Her friends were outside. They’re waiting for her to finish so they could hang out. Her eyes scanned the faces of her friends. They were probably laughing and joking around. It made her smile.
Watching them, her gaze met with a certain pair of brown eyes. She knew those eyes ever so well. He smiled at her and she watched as he mouthed three words she never tires of hearing him say.
She smiled and set her attention back to her laptop’s screen. Her fingers tapped against the keyboard lightly.
The words just seem to flow right out.
***
She moved one foot in front of the other, her heart beating frantically. Time seemed to slow with every beat.
***
Her heart was racing as she haphazardly fixed her hair. He’d just gotten off the night shift at the hospital and had invited her to have breakfast. She had rushed through showering and getting dressed as she didn’t want to make him wait too long. It was 7am and she’d just arrived at the coffee shop they had arranged to meet in.
He sat in a corner, a cup of coffee sat infront of him. His eyes were glazed over, staring into oblivion. The sound of her footsteps in the quiet shop shook him out of his stupor and his tired face lit up with a smile as he greeted her a good morning.
He’d been up all night, working, and yet he’d still stay up a few hours longer just to see her.
***
She passed, pew after pew, her smile unfading. Every second felt like forever...
***
“Forever...” he said.
“Always.” She agreed.
They stood close; hand in hand, forehead to forehead, savouring the quiet moment, wishing that it would always be like this.
***
Finally, she reached the altar and her parents handed her to her husband to be. He extended his hand, waiting for hers.
***
She held onto his hand tightly. They walked together, laughing and talking in an endless sheet of rain. They were cold and soaked but couldn’t care less...
...They had each other...
***
He guided her to the altar, and as the ceremony started, all fell silent.
***
The silence seemed deadly.
They sat opposite each other at a table in the corner of the almost empty coffee shop. Grey and cloudy; the sky outside mimicked the dire mood surrounding them. Both were at a loss for words.
He was leaving.
So was she.
Choices pulled them apart to opposite ends of the world, for years at a time.
He reached out to her, brushed away the dark hair she hid behind and caressed her tear-stained cheek. She whispered three words that meant the world to him.
***
The bride and groom listened as the priest spoke of love and the bond of marriage, confident and content in each other’s presence, entrenched at the concept of facing the world, no longer alone.
They gazed into each other’s eyes as they stood, hand in hand, and ready to say their vows.
***
Vows, promises, oaths; they had those, at one point or another.
Now, they were just empty words.
She stood by the window, cradling a cup of coffee in her hands. She watched as the snowflakes fluttered down to earth and wondered if it was snowing as well in his side of the world. She shivered and her fingers curled around the cup tighter, craving for warmth she knew she might never have again.
She wished she could watch the snow fall with his arms around her, locking her in his sweetest embrace. She wished she could lie in his arms at night and wake up in the morning to the sound of his voice, saying he loved her. She wished she’d be coming home to a house where the both of them lived instead of the empty one she came home to every day. She wished for his gentle kisses in the rain. She wished for the hours long drive to anywhere with him. She wished for the sunsets and stars they’d gaze at, hand in hand. She wished for everyday with him.
She wished for him.
What was once their promises were now left to be wishes whispered late into the coldest of nights.
And it was unfair.
***
He slid a ring through her ring finger and bent his head to kiss the back of her hand. He looked at her, so lovingly…
...it was heartbreaking.
***
Once again, she could practically feel her heart breaking; shattering into a million pieces, far beyond the capacity for repair. She was sitting up in bed, having just disentangled herself from her dreams.
She had dreamt of him again; craving for him against the backdrop of an endless night. Her hands were trembling, thinking why everything seemed so unfair.
It’s been years since they’ve talked to each other, let alone, saw one another. No more letters, no more calls, no more emails, and news of each other seemed to come by so very rarely. It was as if the tether that bound them together had suddenly been cut. It was as if they’d had nothing at all.
It was illogical.
She was the type of girl who believed in fate. And fate had drawn them apart.
The fates have been cruel and unfair to them, she’d believed. She would be reminded of it every time she thought she’d moved on and suddenly, her carefully built facade would come crashing down with something as simple as a dream or a chanced memory.
Tonight, she’d dreamt of his smile, his cheerful voice and his arms, open, waiting to hold her.
But no matter how fast she ran, no matter how hard she tried, she could never reach him.
She sank back down to the pillows on her bed and she didn’t even notice the tears fall...
***
She stared into his eyes, her delicate hands enveloped in his, all that was left was the final blessing before she was finally his.
“Who so ever believes..” The priest addressed the people in the pews as the bride’s eyes scanned the sea of faces, her hand enveloped in her groom’s.
"...that these two should not be wed...”
Her gaze landed on a familiar face and her heart seemed to have skipped a beat.
He stood, elusively, at the very back of the church, dressed handsomely in a white tuxedo, his eyes averted.
“Speak now...”
She watched as he pushed himself off the wall, taking a small step forward. Her heart was beating frantically as she stared at him, waiting.
“or forever..”
Their gazes met, hazel and honey brown, and the world seemed to have stopped spinning. His lips curved into the saddest smile.
“Hold your piece.”
She waited in bated breath, her eyes transfixed on him.
The silence was deafening.
She watched as he shook his head from the back of the pews.
“Then, I now pronounce you, Husband and wife...”
She stood, feeling the familiar pangs of pain that she thought she’d left behind.
“You may now kiss the bride.”
She saw him mouth the three words she’d longed to hear him say for years, as applause echoed in the church. He turned to leave just as the man that was now her husband tossed the veil over her head and sealed the deal with a kiss.
…Everyday, she would ask why…
A tear streaked down her cheek as her husband guided her down the aisle and through the church doors.
…And everyday, she would try to make herself forget…
Just as she was about to slide into the backseat of the car, in the shambles of petals, rice grains, camera flashes and faces around them, her eyes found his. His lips arched a heartbreaking smile.
…But no matter how hard she tried, she could never forget…
She drew in a sharp breath as another tear fell. She collapsed into the back seat, holding back the sob that tried to wrack though her body.
One more look out the window and she saw him, with a sad smile, waving his farewell.
…she could never deny…
Her husband didn’t notice her tears, didn’t notice the pain in her eyes and he didn't even hear the sound of her heart breaking...
…That her heart has always and will always belong to him…
On her wedding day, her heart shattered into a million pieces;
far beyond the capacity to be repaired.
